at work one day, my co-workers and i were discussing men; my favorite topic of the moment. we were going back and forth about the type of men we dated and what we look for in a man. then one of the ladies described her ideal man in a way i have heard all too often.
"i need a little thug in my man."
what the feezy?!! my response: "your ass is too dayum old to want a thug in your life!"
i know that was a little blunt, but i am sick of women looking for a little thug in their life. most of the women who want a "little thug" don't know a real one and would never want to date one. what the majority of them consider thuggish is a little bit of mean mugging and loud talking.
i am not saying that a woman should want a punk, but you must know the difference in being manly and mannish. the dictionary defines manly as possessing qualities befitting a man, as strength or bravery. on the other hand mannish is defined as resembling or imitative of or suggestive of a man rather than a woman. by definition alone you can see there is a huge difference.
ever since 2pac started screaming thug life, young men have been pretending and young women have fed into the stereotype by saying its 'sexy'. i happened to see an episode of "Divorce Court" where the wife said she needed a thug and her husband wasn't one. she did not want a man to ask her what she would like for dinner "cuz a thug will just tell you what having." really? do you really want to pump gas all the time and never have a door opened for you? i thought that women wanted a chivalrous man, but i guess there is an exception to every rule.. she is an example of the women who want a man to be a thug, but be romantic with them. i am sorry but thuggin is not a part time character trait.
what is it about a thug that is so attractive? i don't mean physically either because i have seen some extremely attractive thugs (peep Hood Fab in Bowen Homes). but what is it about tumultuous relationships that turn women on? i personally hate drama and all the back & forth, ups & downs is too much stress. yes all relationships have hills and valleys but when you and your "thug" break up every other day, its a bit extreme. if someone has a successful relationship with a "thug", i would like to hear about it and see how you make it work.
i believe the "thug love" phenomenon is an excuse for people to engage in immature relationships. sometimes an adult relationship is too much for some women to handle, but the idea of being alone is worse (peep my blog Pause). if they can handle relationships like they did as a youngster when life was easy, it doesn't seem so serious. but at some point you have to let go of the idea that 50 Cent is going to sweep you off your feet. if you don't progress in your thinking, neither will your relationships. look at your girlfriends who date "thugs". how are their relationships? as matter of fact, how is their life? still the same way since high school or college?
now is that what you really want? i would hope not.
so be careful what you wish for when you say you need a little "thug" in your life.
*hums "Thug Love all up in the tub" (please ask me about this tune)
26 October 2008
20 October 2008
throughout high school and college, i always had a grip of guy friends. and being the shallow heifer that i was, all of my guy friends were really good looking. i knew i only wanted to be friends with guys that i could imagine myself with, thus there was fineness that surrounded me. despite all types of sexual tension, i never hit on them and they never hit on me. i was too afraid of what sex would do to our friendship, so it was a definite no.
i dated a guy who said that men and women couldn't be friends. i am not sure if he said that because he suspected me or if he really believed it. my problem wasn't sex with my guy friends but was love. not only were the guys good looking, they were actually good and decent people. so it was hard not to fall for them. but that is a whole other blog in itself; back to the sex. like i said my guy friends were off limits to me and i never wanted to go there except once.
i had a guy friend that was so incredibly sexy and not just physically. he was one of the funniest dudes i knew, in addition to that perfect body. the sexual tension between us was like that of any attractive man and woman. but there was something a little different about this guy. i felt comfortable with him and felt i could say anything to him. so i went against my own rules and i made a move.
me: "so what about us?"
guy: "what about us?"
me: "we should just do it."
guy: "are you serious?"
me: "hell yeah!"
guy: "but we're friends."
me "i know, but..."
guy "i want us to stay friends"
me "dayum. well what if i said i didn't want to be your friend anymore?"
me " i quit you as my friend. so wassup now?"
he just laughed. then i laughed. the idea was to absurd for us to venture toward a sexual relationship. we knew what would happen and we loved our friendship too much to change it.
to be sexual with a friend and maintain a friendship is hard. at some point someone in that friendship will develop feelings and then the situation becomes different. unless you both have decided that you want to pursue something further and move from friendship to relationship. but for people who know what they are getting into and are prepared to accept what may happen to the friendship, it is a good situation. it was easier for me to round up some hot guy to use for sex and then talk about it with my boys.