24 March 2013
my parents divorced when i was about six years old. because my father was a military man and was gone a lot of times, his absence in the home wasn't as devastating to me as most expected. my mother told me that she attempted to leave my father before, but i cried for him every day and she decided it was best for them to work it out. i guess i was daddy's little girl.
as i grew older, i came to know my parents and their little quirks. and what i noticed was that my parents were very different people. post divorce, neither of them had anything good to say about the other. they really had nothing in common and i wondered how in the hell they even dated each other. i'm grown now and i decided to ask my dad how he and my mother became a couple.
i remember my dad being a man that yelled a lot when i was a kid. in my adult years, my father now laughs all the time and tells me funny stories. now that we talk more frequently, i felt it was time to ask him about he and mother's relationship. albeit a short story he told, it made me understand my parents and myself.
me: dad, how did you and mom even get together?
dad: ummph i hated your mother when we were growing up.
me: wait, you hated her?
dad: she always thought that she was better than everybody else.
me: but dad how did you go from hating her to marrying her.
dad: well, i guess i was in love with her but didn't know how to express it properly.
me: now that makes more sense.
dad: we were young and didn't know what we were doing.
after that, he began to speak in general terms about relationships. he spoke about honesty and being happy. he emphasized that happiness was the most important thing. "no need for two people to work something out when both of them are miserable". he spoke about the expectations that he had of my mother and that my mother had of him. dad felt like he disappointed my mom and that were just trying to live up to the standards set by their parents. "those people stayed married no matter what. that worked for them but not me and your mother."
this was the most significant conversation i have ever had with my dad, but i'm glad that we had it. i learned a lot that day. this was a conversation that i wished i had prior to my terrible dating exploits. i think that i would have been more comfortable with my relationship mistakes and not let them hinder me in my efforts to move forward. but it's not to late for me, i'm taking this lesson and running with it.
31 January 2013
everybody knows the premise of the Frankenstein story. crazy scientist takes old body parts, creates a man and brings him to life. for this blog, that is the most important portion of the tale because in the end the "monster" i.e. Frankenstein kills some people and disappears never to be seen again. now that i think about it, that might be important too.
remember that guy that was so gentlemanly on the first date, but had the crazy baby momma that was sitting in the passenger seat of his ride when dinner was over? or the dude who kissed so good that your clothes fell off, but the sexual act was just that ... a great acting performance on your part. and you can't forget the guy who gave the most relaxing foot rubs, but his breath smelled like death? wouldn't it be nice to have that good kissing, good foot rubbing and gentlemanly behavior all in one man? Frankenstein is who you are looking for.
since piecing many men together is not going to happen, let's see how many good qualities we can find in one man. i know your list has about 35 things on it, but remember that 70% is passing. that is not settling, it's called compromise. for example, he is only an inch taller than you and you swore you would only date tall men. sure you enjoy being in the arms of Mr. 6'6", but Mr. 5' 7" does that back rubbing, neck nibbling thing that you like so much. so what do you choose?
creating your own Frankenstein seems like a dream come true. but what may appear to be a dream, can actually be nightmare. there is a universal reason why there is no PERFECT person. you should focus on who is perfect for you. that means your list of ideal mate qualities may get shorter or change. in the end you will get what you need even if it is different from what you want.
besides in the end Frankenstein disappears on his creator, leaving the scientist confused hurt and full of guilt. hell i have felt that way after dating regular dudes. why would i create one who does the same thing? so let's nix the Frankenstein idea and act like this blog never happened. okay? bye.
21 January 2013
this is Herm Edwards. he is my "old man" crush. Herm is not old per se, but he is just four years younger than my mother. so he is slightly older than me. if i had an opportunity to go on a date with Mr. Edwards, i wouldn't hesitate to do so. older men have something younger men do not, smooth. and that may not be the fault of the young men. older men, because they are older, have more experience with women. and they have perfected how to approach a woman, how to compliment a woman and how to make you fall in love (please see Brandy's "Put it Down").
as a youngster, i was told that "old men will give you worms." well young men can give you things a little worse, so i'll take my chances. because i am not sugar baby age, i usually don't get approached by older men. when i do, they always hit me with the oooooweeee. in my younger days as a CD slinger for Wherehouse Music, i had the pleasure of meeting Alex English. he was an assistant coach for the Atlanta Hawks during that time and like other celebs, he came to my place of business for his music fix. because i was raised on the NBA of old, i knew who he was when he hit the door. i didn't go all "fan boy'" on him, but let him shop peacefully. as he approached the counter, i started to think about whether i should address my admiration or play cool. y'all know me, i had to let the man know i was a fan.
me: hi Mr. English. i'm a huge fan, grew up watching you play. my dad is going to love when i tell him i met you.
Alex English: *smiles* thanks. how do you pronounce your name?
Alex English: Tamara Dobson.
me: you are the only one to make that connection.
his friend: what man? what about Tamara Dobson?
Alex English: her mom named her after Tamara Dobson, Cleopatra Jones.
by this time the transaction was finished.
Alex English: nice to me you Tamara, have a good night. *smiles*
in that moment, i hearted Alex English. for those of you who don't realize what he did, let me break it down. . the Cleopatra Jones movies came out in the 70's, so he was able to get an idea of my age. he wanted to make sure i was of legal age. this was also a way to connect with me personally. i could be flattering myself by saying all these things, but his female companion was none the happy about all the grinning he did in my face when he came in the store a second time.
he was smooth with it, caught me off guard and everything. up until that point, i had never really been interested in older men. thanks to Alex English, he put me upon that smooth. so y'all can worry about old balls and grey pubes, but i'm worried about all the special attention & loving on me i'm gonna get. you don't like old men? more smoothness for me. *smiles*
i have never made a Bucket List, but I was moved to do so this year. the list consisted of taking care of my health, doing more things with my friends, exercise more & reconnect with people. the last thing on my bucket list was added as a joke, but there was a tad bit of truth to the statement. the final item on the lost was to go on a romantic date. that seems silly, but you would be surprised at what constitutes as a date nowadays. please understand that i'm not like other women. a great date to me has football, buffalo wings and alcoholic beverages involve. so when i say a romantic date, there are a few things that need to be involved.
- the young man asking should plan out the date. please don't call me and ask me what i want to do. i will be highly disappointed. i assume that when you ask, you have an idea of where you would like to take me.
- on the romantic date, i need to be picked up. i need the door to be opened for me. i need the chair to be pulled out and i need for him to pay. yes, i said it. please understand that these are MY expectations for a romantic date.
- there will be necking after the romantic date. don't try for more, kissing is good for right now. hopefully that is something that you are very good at because a bad kiss can make or break you in my book
06 January 2013
Someone who is a fan of my blog asked me to write about the most important things I learned in 2012. I wanted to share it with you guys also. I hope you enjoy!
This past year has been a year of transitions with great highs and lows. Most of my lessons are pretty self explanatory and hopefully I will be able to move forward with the things that I have learned.
2. Believe in my abilities – I have decided to call myself a writer, but was never sure that people enjoyed my writing. I started to think that if I have no confidence in what I do, why should others. So I have to believe in me and what I can do before I expect others to do the same.
3. Don’t be afraid to feel - A part of being silent about your feelings, is stuffing those feelings away and numbing yourself. I have been “gangsta” for a while and this year a flood of emotion returned to me once I spoke up. It was awkward and I did not enjoy being an emotional creature. It was abnormal and scared the shit out of me. But the reassurance of someone close let me know it was okay. I was no longer frightened.
4. It is okay to let go – This needs no explanation. Sometimes we hold on to things past their season. Release those things and get you some free.
5. Not to allow my feelings to be disregarded – My new found feelings were not only overwhelming for me, but for the people around me. And in an effort to calm my emotions, they wanted to sweep them under a rug. It was more about their comfort than mine. But I wouldn’t let it happen that easy. I made them see, hear and feel the shit I was going through. This was a part of my healing process and they couldn’t stop it once it got started.